Sometimes, depending on the course of your life, it can be very difficult to learn to love yourself again when you have messages in your subconscious mind that limit you.
You should know that most of these messages are recorded during childhood, but their effects continue to ruin your life.
The Mind is a very sophisticated instrument and all the things your parents and loved ones told you decades ago are still influencing your life today.
Related: Happiness is a Matter of Mindset
When you were a kid and your parents told you that you were not nice, you believed them. They told you that you are not smart enough, you believed them. When, again, they told you that you have a bad character or that you are mean, you believed them.
And what is surprising, you still believe them, even today. Why? Because you’re not consciously aware of these underlying beliefs.
Now, what do we do? Are we obliged to keep these negative messages that ruin our lives? Is there any solution to overcome these old thoughts? Can we replace these old messages with new ones? Well, the answer is clearly YES.
1. Romance yourself to unlock true happiness
Think about the last love affair you had, you felt butterflies in your stomach. You and your partner devoted a lot of time, attention and affection to each other, right? There were romance, passion and you swept away by the beauty or the kindness of your partner and he/she probably felt the same about you.
Now I have your attention, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Keep that in your mind if you want to learn to romance yourself to unlock true happiness. If you want to learn to love yourself, this is the best way you have to have.
Why is it so difficult for some people to look in the mirror and say: “I LOVE YOU”. Why is it so difficult to treat yourself like royalty? You must do things that make you feel joy all the time. Make yourself a big hug every day.
Life is a long poem that you write to yourself every day. Besides, we always hear that if you do not love yourself, you will never be able to love someone else
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Buy yourself nice and elegant things.
Sometimes it is important to stay alone. Stop talking to others and to yourself for a moment and do that on a daily basis. In other words, spend quality time with yourself simply because you need it and you deserve it.
2. Explore your core beliefs
A young mother of two kids is cooking the ham slice in a frying pan to feed her children. She used to cut the ham slice into four quarters before frying them one by one in her frying pan.
One day her elder asked her, “Mom, why do you have to cut the slice into four quarters and fry them one by one while your frying pan is large enough to hold the whole slice?”
Surprised, she thinks for a while and replied, “I don’t know, but when I was a little girl, your grandmother did the same.” She takes her phone and calls her mother to ask why she cut the ham slice into four quarters.
Her mother replied in return that she didn’t know either because her mother did the same. The young woman’s grandmother replies by saying that her frying pan was too small and she had to cut the ham slice into four quarters to be able to fry them piece by piece.
You may suspect you have ancient, limiting beliefs rattling around in your head but still be unsure about what they are exactly.
But if you want to discover the beliefs that are holding you back, you may try to concentrate and think about these beliefs.
How do you do that? Start exploring your existing beliefs by writing them down in a journal. Think about these statements: My earliest memory of feeling stupid was . . . My parents always made me feel . . . My brother/sister always treated me like . . . and so on.
What you want to do here is to think back to an earlier particular moment in your life and see if you can find when and where your limiting beliefs got started.
If you cannot find them, it’s ok.
Then, challenge those beliefs. Find out if they are still true. Were they ever true?
You have to decide right now what you WANT to be true. Start trying to replace the old beliefs by focusing more on your new and improved ones.
3. Highlight your good traits
When your self-esteem is low, you tend to keep focusing on the things that are wrong in your life and dismissing the things that are going well.
If you try to turn around these negative thoughts by praising and encouraging yourself in your self-talk.
Now, I know this not easy to do at the beginning of the process but it is important to understand that you have to start by doing small steps. Don’t get overwhelmed if you feel uncomfortable.
If you begin to feel good, congratulate yourself. Say things like, Wow, I’m really proud of myself for doing that. It wasn’t easy to do, but I pushed through the rough spots and gave it my best shot.
You can also make a point of simply giving yourself positive self-talk, like daily positive affirmations. Say something like these: I am a good and valuable person. I have a lot to offer to others. I’m a talented and successful person.
Try to work on yourself daily and don’t forget if you don’t try you will never know if you can succeed or not.
You create your world from within. The more you do it, the more you’ll feel comfortable with yourself and you will learn to love yourself again.